如果我死了 / If I die

一位同事，入院几天，还以为不久后她就会出院。谁知道，竟然接到她过世了的消息。突然得难以置信。人生无常，真是要珍惜每一天。。。

我在想，如果今天我死了，会有人想念我，怀念我吗？怀念我些什么呢？

我之前喜欢潜水，妈妈总是担心得不得了。我总是跟她说，生死有命。如果有一天我死得比她早，不要难过，死了是一种解脱。妈妈当然不能接受这种说法，总说“choy! Choy! Choy!”。

对死亡害怕吗？我不知道。可是，总有点不舍。如果明天我死了，有遗憾吗？我想… 没有吧。爱过，痛过，苦过，开心过，做过我想做喜欢做的事，人生也不过这样了。

以前每次妈妈问可不可以少点去潜水（目前没潜了），太危险了，我就会说，如果我在做着自己喜欢的事时死了，那是值得高兴的。我总会接着说，如果我死了，把我火葬了，然后把我的骨灰撒进大海吧。（妈妈又说“choy! Choy! Choy!”）

我以前常常会梦见在空中飞，在海里和鲸鱼，海豚等等一起畅游… 真的，没骗你。梦见这些时，我就希望不醒了…… 以前常梦见这些，现在没有了，不知道为什么。

最爱梦见自己在飞了……

真的，如果我死了，希望我的骨灰可以带着我的灵魂，四处翱翔吧……

晨起晨落世俗间
喜怒哀乐皆难免
但求平静无愧心
如明逝去亦无悔

A colleague was admitted in hospital for a few days. We all thought we’d be seeing her back in action very soon. Who knows… we received the shocking news that she has passed away… It was really shocking… so unreal… Life is unpredictable, we should treasure everyday…

I was thinking, would anybody be missing me if I die today? What about me would they be missing me?

I used to love going diving. My mum of course would worried sick every time I go diving. I always told her, “Life is destined.” If I die before her, please don’t be sad. Death is a liberation. She of course would not accept such thinking, she always exclaimed something like “TOUCH WOOD!”.

Am I afraid of death? I don’t know. I guess I can’t bear to leave my family and friends. If I die tomorrow, do I have regrets? I think, probably not. There in my life, was love, was pain, was suffering, was happiness, I did things that I love and wanted to do. I guess that is all what life is about.

Mum used to always ask me, can I go less diving (nowadays I no longer dive)? As it’s dangerous. I would always say, if I die doing the things I love, that is worth celebrating. I’d say, if I die, please cremate me, and scatter my ashes into the sea. (Mum exclaimed “touch wood” again)

I used to always dream of me flying, swimming with whales and dolphins. Really, I am not bluffing. When having such dreams, I hoped I wouldn’t wake up. I used to always have such dreams, but not anymore, I don’t know why. I love most to dream of me flying…

Really, if I die, I hope my ashes would carry my soul, go anywhere I want to go…

Ex-offender and key chain / 前罪犯与锁匙圈

Was out with Sh yesterday. While we’re having coffee, a man approached us, showing us the document that allegedly proves he’s an ex-offender and trying to earn a living by selling key chains, and asked us to help support him by buying the key chains. This is the second time we’re having coffee and being approached. I think Sh and I have kind faces … :p

I digressed. I am not sure whether what the guy said is true. I tend to believe him.

The key chains are selling at S$10 a pair. It’s not very expensive but not exactly cheap either. We didn’t buy it. It’s not that I don’t want to help ex-offenders, I think we should help them. But the thing is, I have no use whatsoever of the key chain. Key chains are aplenty at most people’s homes, I believe. And as I said, S$10 is not exactly cheap. I can do a lot of things with S$10, it’s enough for my one day’s meals. It’s not reasonable to expect people who are not loaded, like me, would buy those key chains for S$10… I sincerely hope I can help the ex-offenders but to me, S$10 is not a small amount. Sometimes I have only $20-$30 in my wallet.. Furthermore I have no use of key chains. I think they really should look into the products they are selling. Say for example, mug cover, chopsticks, etc, these are small enough for them to carry around and it’s something that we can use. Then I think I will buy it from them. Key chains… I am really sorry…

It’s not easy to say no to them, you know…… But I have to think of my pocket as well… Unless I earn a lot…but I don’t. The first one Sh and I encountered, was a very polite gentleman. Even when we kept rejecting him he was still very polite. He even said to us “You two are very beautiful ladies. You have a good day.” before he left…. The second one yesterday, gave us an angry face when I said no to him. Well, not exactly angry I guess, more of frustration maybe. I know it’s really not easy for them to sell those things on the streets… but I really think they should seriously look into what products they sell...

昨天和Sh出去。在喝咖啡的时候，有个男人拿着证件说他是前罪犯，现在靠买锁匙圈为生，让我们帮帮忙，跟他买一个。这是第二次我和Sh喝咖啡的时候遇到这样的事。大概我和Sh有张善良 的脸... :p

离题了。我不知道那个男人说的是不是真的，我想我是相信的。

那些锁匙圈，一对卖 S$10. 不是很贵但也不算便宜。我们没买。不是我不愿意帮忙这些前罪犯，我认为我们是应该帮忙的。可是，锁匙圈对我实在没有用。每个人家里大概锁匙圈都太多了。再说，S$10 实在不能说是便宜。S$10 我可以做许多事了，S$10 我可以吃三餐呢。。。要像我这样不是很富裕的人花S$10 买对锁匙圈，不成道理。。。我是真心想帮他们，但是真的，S$10 对我来说并不小...有时钱包里只有 S$20-30…. 再说，锁匙圈对我真的是没用。我觉得他们应该探讨他们售卖的产品。比如说，杯盖，筷子什么的，够小，容易带在身上售卖， 而且是实用的东西。如果是这些，我会买的。锁匙圈...实在对不起...

要向他们说不，不是一件容易的事......可我也得考虑我的口袋…. 除非我赚得很多，可是我并不。 Sh 和我遇见的第一个售卖锁匙圈的前罪犯，是一个很有礼貌的人。我们一直拒绝购买他还是很有礼貌。走之前还对我们说，“你们两个很漂亮。祝你们愉快。”…. 昨天的那个，在我们拒绝后，扳了副生气的脸，掉头就走。 可能不是生气而是倍感受挫吧。我知道他们卖这些非常困难。。但是我希望他们真的可以彻底去探讨应该买些什么比较好...

爱哭 / Cry Baby

我啊，年纪越大就越感性。人家都是年纪越大就越坚强越不哭，可我啊，恰恰相反。年轻点的时候已经很爱哭，现在更是…超容易哭的。不知道有没有人像我这样，年纪越大越容易掉眼泪。记得是前年吧（还是大前年），唱karaoke时，唱的是陈洁仪的天冷就回来，唱着唱着突然眼眶就湿了，唱不下去。也没有什么特别感触或伤感，只是那音律很伤感，眼眶湿得有点莫名其妙……

现在只要是感性一点的人或事，我都会要哭…… 哪怕只是一个短片，一个广告，一张照片。看Connie Talbot 六岁的表演，唱得那么动听，我也是眼眶湿润……如果我是演员，现在演哭戏绝对没问题，甚至还有可能哭不停，导演喊cut 了大概还停不了…… 真可惜我不是演员。

我想可能是感情路走得坎坷…… 也可能是因为父亲的病，觉得人生太痛苦…… 以前都快快乐乐，只顾自己玩乐。年纪大一点，看见可怜的人事和动物，会感叹自己帮不上忙，觉得很无奈，觉得人生是残酷的。我们一个人能帮的也就这么多，到处都有不幸，能怎么办？父亲生病，痛苦，我们爱莫能助，连带母亲也快乐不起来。能怎么办..？我和哥哥尽力做了能让他们开心的事，但是无奈于伤感还是会偶尔介入。能做的我和哥哥已经尽量做了，还能怎么办？写到这里又不由自主的掉眼泪了。。。唉。。。

Nowadays, whenever there are people or things that moved me or it's a little sad, I will cry. Be it a short video, a commercial, even a photograph. Watching the 6 years old Connie Talbot sang with her angelic voice, my eyes were wet too.　If I were an actress, there will not be any problem whatsoever playing cry scenes, I probably wouldn’t be able to stop even, when the director call it a cut. Too bad I am not an actress.

The older I get, the more sentimental I’ve become. Most people get tougher and less likely to cry as they grow older. But me, I’m just the opposite. When I was younger I was already a person who cries easily, it’s even worse now. I wonder if there’re people like me, the older it gets, the easier it is to shed tears. About 2 or 3 years ago, I was singing karaoke, a melancholy song, suddenly I just couldn’t continue singing, my eyes were wet. There’s not a specific reason for shedding tears, it’s just that the melody is sad. It’s a little peculiar that I just suddenly felt sad and shed tears like that…

Perhaps because of the bumpy rides in love… perhaps because of my dad’s sickness, I feel that life is painful…… I used to only care about myself, only care about what makes me happy. As I grow up, when I see unfortunate things that I can’t help, I’ll feel sad and helpless. I feel life is helpless, life is cruel. We as a person, can only help that much… but unfortunates are everywhere, what do we do? My dad’s sick and he’s suffering, there’s only so much we can help, my mum has grown unhappy too. What do we do? We tried to do things that make them happy. But there are still times that.. sadness comes creeping in. My brother and I have done whatever we could, what else do we do? Here and now, I shed tears again uncontrollably… Sigh…

单身 / Single

每年过年都要重复同样的话（赶快找个男朋友），同样的动作（礼貌的向他们笑一下）。 有男朋友的就被问什么时候要结婚，结了婚的就什么时候要生孩子。听了当然很烦，但有时候想想，大家也只是找些事聊聊。不常见面的亲戚除了这些，还要聊什么? 有时候见到有了男女朋友很久的朋友，我也会不由自主的想问“什么时候结婚啊？”

Every Chinese New Year, the same talks (quickly find a boyfriend), same action (politely nod and smile) are being repeated. If you have a boyfriend, you’ll be asked when are you getting married, if you are married you’ll be asked when are you having a baby. It’s not something that we’d like to hear. But sometimes, I thought, they were just trying to start a conversation. Some relatives don’t meet often, what could we chat about besides these? Sometimes when I see a friend who has got a boyfriend/girlfriend, I tend to want to ask the same question “When are you getting married?” too.

还是单身就还是单身。 单身最可怜的不是还是单身，而是要回答很多没有答案的问题。 为什么还单身？ 为什么不找个男朋友？你不知道你父母担心吗？

Being single is just that, single. The worst thing about being a single is not that you are still single, but having to answer questions that have no answers. Why are you still single? Why aren’t you looking for a boyfriend? Don’t you know your parents worried about you?

你认为有答案吗？

Do you think there’s an answer to those questions?

找到了你的另一伴， 恭喜你。 可是不是每个人都可以找到另一伴的。

If you’ve found your other half, congratulations. But not everyone will find their other half.

我的生命中，也曾经深爱过，曾经伤痛过，曾经，变成了过去。那一段不能说的痛，那一段几乎崩溃的日子，独自承受的日子。。。我以为，就这样了。。。终于, 有一天，放下了。决定放下后，意外的容易。。。现在回想起，只觉得自己很傻。轰轰烈烈的爱情里，甜蜜的，痛苦的，让它们随时间淡去。那些挥之不去的，把它们都深锁在内心深处，不去触碰。我做得很好，把它们都锁得很好。

In my life, I had been deeply in love, I had been deeply hurt, it’s all history now. The unspeakable pain, the days I almost fell apart, the days I suffered and cried alone.. I thought, that was it, that was my life… Eventually, one day, I let it go. It was surprisingly easy once I decided to let it go. I feel silly remembering the time. The sweet memories, the painful memories, will fade away as time goes by. Those that persist, I will lock them deep in my heart, and keep it away. I’ve done a very good job, I’ve locked them well away.

庆幸着，没有眷恋。 也庆幸，那些痛，终于过去了。 我的心已经有了裂痕。 我把它补得很好，可是疤痕还是在的。我并不会拒绝感情的来临，但是要去主动寻找，实在不容易，也没什么剩余的力气去做了。 要重新认识一个人，是很累的。一段感情，总会吵架的，那也是很累的。

I feel fortunate, that I didn’t look back. And I feel fortunate that those pains are now in the past. There’s a crack in my heart, I’ve mended it well, but a scar is inevitable. If there comes love, I will not close the door to my heart. But if you’re asking me to actively go look for love, that’s something not easy for me to do now. I have not left with much strength to do so. It’s tiring, getting to know a complete stranger. There will certainly be fights in any relationship, and it’s tiring as well.

有谁是真真正正选择单身？那些说是的，大概只是在欺骗自己。 谁不想有一个人陪着？ 单身不是我的选择，但是没有另一伴，不代表就不能好好的活， 不代表就不能活得很充实，不代表就不能活得很快乐。快乐是自己找的，自己给的。快乐也不是只能从男女朋友身上找来的。

Is there anybody voluntarily choose to be single? If someone say yes, he/she is probably lying to himself/herself. Who wouldn’t want to have someone to spend your life with? Being single is not my choice, but not having the other half, doesn’t mean I can’t live well, doesn’t mean I can’t live life to the fullest, doesn’t mean I can’t be happy. Happiness is something you have to find it yourself, something you give it to yourself. And happiness doesn't only come from a boyfriend/girlfriend.

我知道自己老大不小了，但是没有就没有，难道就要我去抛绣球招亲？我不愿意逼自己去参加社交活动，我知道那没什么，但是我就是不喜欢。如果我很紧张自己后半辈子会寂寞，我会去的。可是我觉得现在这样也没什么不好啊。为什么就不能尊重我的这种生活？

I know I am not young anymore, but I don’t have a boyfriend means I don’t have a boyfriend, don’t tell me I have to choose a husband from a group of men by throwing an embroidered ball to them, like in the ancient time? I don’t want to force myself to join social events, I know it’s nothing and common but I just don’t like it. If I am anxious and worry that I’ll be lonely for the rest of my life, I will do so. But I feel that it’s not such a bad thing being the way I am now. Why can’t people just respect my life and stop nagging?

人生不能少的，是亲情和友情。 没有爱情，还是可以活得很好，很开心的。

The things that one can’t live without in life, are love from your family and friendship. One will be able to live well and happy, even when not having love from the opposite sex.

Osama dead

Osama has finally been killed. Justice!! But the war against terrorist does not end here of course. And people need to be alert in case they retaliate with more attacks.

When I think back the 911 attack, I still would have tears in my eyes. This morning I was listening to BBC radio. They played witnesses' cries at the scene... It was terrifying to hear, even after so long... And I had tears in my eyes hearing those....

The world is a sad sad world... And earth would be better without human.

Teambuilding

We Sales & Marketing dept had a teambuilding session with Technology Dept. First time for me~ We had more girls than guys, 2 other guys came later. The dark green shirt is our intern.

Charles, the "teddy bear" of Infineum. LOL. He is a very very funny and comical guy. Here he watches as the ball rolls into the goal instead of stopping it. hahaha.

My leg and my colleague's leg : one white one so brown! So funny.

I laughed until my stomachache. It was so funny with all the pushing and grabbing, there became no rules already!

See all the grabbing!

And pushing! I didn't know I can play so rough too! So funny.

Charles playing funny.

It was the first time I ever played soccer. It's quite fun! The next day we were aching like crazy..
Everybody~

See the scracth!

And the blueblack (bruises)!! LOL..................

My shoes that played football with me for the first time!


Afterwards we went karaoke. Me and teddy bear Charles.

My colleagues and an intern on the right.





Me and my colleague Cynthia~

It was soooooo much fun today. Hope we always have teambuilding. hahahahah..

Why do African people have longer limbs?

W.O.W. I have always wondered, why do African people have longer arms and legs. I typed the question in google and voila. There is a scientific explanation for it : Allen's rule.

Allen's rule

Nature never failed to amaze me.

Quote:

In cold climates, the greater the exposed surface area, the greater the loss of heat and therefore energy. Animals in cold climates need to conserve as much energy as possible. A low surface area to volume ratio helps to conserve heat.

In warm climates, the opposite is true. An animal will overheat quickly if it has a low surface area to volume ratio. Therefore, animals in warm climates will have high surface area to volume ratios so as to help them lose heat.

In a nutshell, it simply means there is a ratio between body surface to body mass. For example, Fur or Tutsi people of Africa release body heat more readily because their ratio is high. However, Eskimos and Inuit have a lower ratio and therefore retain body heat.

The Inuit people live and hunt within the Arctic Circle. The sub-zero temperatures encountered in the Arctic environment mean that heat conservation is essential. A short, squat body shape will help retain body heat.

The Maasai people live primarily in Kenya and north Tanzania. The equatorial temperatures in this environment mean that heat loss is highly beneficial. A tall, long, body shape will help get rid of body heat. (The use of the word "tall" here is somewhat misleading. It is not necessarily height that is a factor as it is relatively longer, leaner limbs and a lean frame which are most appropriate according to this rule. Basically, size is not the main factor, which would be Bergmann's Rule, but shape.)

Unquote.

Which one is nicer?

Anyone out there? Please tell me which one appeals to you more?
The blue one? or the brown one?

One month after LASIK

I am happy :D

Today was my last visit to Dr Lee. Everything's good, except 25deg astigmatism on my left eye. But the lady said this kind of degree comes and goes. True enough, because I see perfectly fine outdoor in bright day light. Not so good indoor. Some days it's good some days it's not.

I did not experience ANY tearing after the surgery, did not have dry eye AT ALL. I am so darn blessed!!!! :D hahahahah.... I can't help kept smiling after I left the LASIK centre. haha~

My hope now is of course this perfect vision remains as long as it can.

Oh by the way, Dr Lee sent me an email thanking me for the Thank You card I sent him. I attached my namecard in the card, very 有心机ne~~~~ wahahahah. I think he felt "obliged" to reply since I attached my namecard there. wahahahahahhaha. and it worked. kekekekeke. So happy to receive his reply. It's just some simple gesture from both sides, but it makes one happy! In his reply he thanked me for taking the time to write and sent the card. It was very heart warming, he said. But he didn't mention anything just now when I saw him. heheheh. Anyway, his reply is enough for me. :)

And er, happiness, has its price you know.

I am in a good mood today after today's last visit to Dr Lee. The side effect of good mood : a hole in my wallet........................ lol..

Disappointing of Malaysia

Look at this video. A Malaysian UMNO politician said they don't need the votes from Chinese and Indian. Fine. We won't vote for you then. Arrogance never serves anyone well.



I am UTTERLY disappointed with Malaysia. They are getting more backwards as time goes by. Their thinking NEVER improved. Someone I know just denounced his Malaysian citizenship. That tells you something.

I am so voting for the opposition in the next election, even if the one running the election is an idiot.

Dream comes true!!!!!

Went to Class 95's Retrolicious concert on 9 Oct 2010. Oh my god, I never thought I'd live to see 3 of my biggest idols : Johnny Hates Jazz♥, Debbie Gibson♥ and Rick Astley♥♥♥♥♥!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥!!!!!

I was standing pretty close, but should have gotten closer. I almost couldn't see them. Luckily I was wearing my high heel. Although it hurt like hell afterwards. But it was worth it!!! I walked with my naked feet as soon as the concert was over. I walked all the way to carpark. LOL.. people must be wondering, maybe thinking my high heel has broken. But who cares? lol....

It is SO SO SO incredible!! I never even dream to see these biggest stars of the Eighties!!!! Oh my God. Recently I've fulfilled some of my "wish to see" things. I am so grateful. I love living in Singapore! Where all these are possible. Even though I don't have a boyfriend now, which is flawed, but I'm pretty happy with my life now. And I am so grateful ;) All these little things in life, makes me happy. But being able to see my idols is not a "little thing", it's a HUGE event in my life! WOHOA!!!!

Here are the videos :
Johnny Hates Jazz

So happy to listen to "I don't wanna be a hero" and "Don't let it end this way" and "Shattered Dreams". wahhhhhh, nice~

Debbie Gibson

She was fabulous! and sexy! She's still very beautiful! She's 40 this year.

And.... drum beating.... ggggrrrrrr...... RICK ASTLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I slept with a smile that night ^_^ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Listening to him, made me fall in love with him all over again. I started listening to his songs since I was in primary school! Oh my god. And he was incredibly funny!! ♥ Love the guy!! ♥ And he sounds the same, his voice still very very.... ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Ahhhh... what a fantastic concert, what a wonderful night ^_^

Lasik!!!

I had lasik surgery yesterday! 30th September 2010! Today is the first day after surgery. How liberating!

I was so nervous before the surgery. I was worried that I can't open my eyes to get myself home like some of my colleagues said... even thou my brother was with me but it's troublesome if I cannot open my eyes. But in the end, nothing to worry about. And I could open my eyes. There was no pain during the surgery. Perhaps a little discomfort about 2 hours after the surgery. Not sure was it pain (minor) and was it because of the sleeping pill taking effect (after 2 hours??). I felt uncomfortable at that time. But as soon as I got home I went to sleep.

During the surgery, there's one part where the eye cannot see anything, after the doctor put a suction cup onto the eye. And then the machine will create the flap. It felt like I was in sci-fi movie. The machine has a gentle female voice announcing : 25seconds.... 20seconds.... 5seconds.... And the my doctor's voice was reassuring as well, even more gentle than the machine's female voice. LOL... Btw, my doctor is Dr Lee Sao Bing, from Shinagawa. He is very nice, and very polite.

When I woke up 2hours later, the discomfort was gone. Vision is still blurry and hazy but that's normal. And I see halo at night. Dr said it'll take 3, 4 months for it to go away.

I slept early on the day of surgery. The next day, heaven! I can see clearly ! Still a bit hazy but better than first day. And it's normal. I hope the halo will go away soon. And I pray there won't be regression....

♫♪ I can see clearly now, the rain is gone ♫♪
♫♪ I can see all the obstacles in my way ♫♪
♫♪ Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind ♫♪
♫♪ It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day. ♫♪