Na'vi-blue

And I thought I am the only one who got depressed after watching Avatar... James Cameron is way too talented. He created a world that looks so perfect and made our real world looks bad... The beauty of the movie aside, if you think about it, the movie is a depiction of what we have been doing to our world, our forests, our animals, and indigenous people. It's just sad to think about.
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(CNN) -- James Cameron's completely immersive spectacle "Avatar" may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.

On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled "Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.

"I wasn't depressed myself. In fact the movie made me happy ," Baghdassarian said. "But I can understand why it made people depressed. The movie was so beautiful and it showed something we don't have here on Earth. I think people saw we could be living in a completely different world and that caused them to be depressed."

A post by a user called Elequin expresses an almost obsessive relationship with the film.

"That's all I have been doing as of late, searching the Internet for more info about 'Avatar.' I guess that helps. It's so hard I can't force myself to think that it's just a movie, and to get over it, that living like the Na'vi will never happen. I think I need a rebound movie," Elequin posted.

A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site "Naviblue" that he contemplated suicide after seeing the movie.

"Ever since I went to see 'Avatar' I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na'vi made me want to be one of them. I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it," Mike posted. "I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in 'Avatar.' "

Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

Cameron's movie, which has pulled in more than $1.4 billion in worldwide box office sales and could be on track to be the highest grossing film of all time, is set in the future when the Earth's resources have been pillaged by the human race. A greedy corporation is trying to mine the rare mineral unobtainium from the planet Pandora, which is inhabited by a peace-loving race of 10-foot tall, blue-skinned natives called the Na'vi.

In their race to mine for Pandora's resources, the humans clash with the Na'vi, leading to casualties on both sides. The world of Pandora is reminiscent of a prehistoric fantasyland, filled with dinosaur-like creatures mixed with the kinds of fauna you may find in the deep reaches of the ocean. Compared with life on Earth, Pandora is a beautiful, glowing utopia.

Ivar Hill posts to the "Avatar" forum page under the name Eltu. He wrote about his post-"Avatar" depression after he first saw the film earlier this month.

"When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed ... gray. It was like my whole life, everything I've done and worked for, lost its meaning," Hill wrote on the forum. "It just seems so ... meaningless. I still don't really see any reason to keep ... doing things at all. I live in a dying world."

Reached via e-mail in Sweden where he is studying game design, Hill, 17, explained that his feelings of despair made him desperately want to escape reality.

"One can say my depression was twofold: I was depressed because I really wanted to live in Pandora, which seemed like such a perfect place, but I was also depressed and disgusted with the sight of our world, what we have done to Earth. I so much wanted to escape reality," Hill said.

Cameron's special effects masterpiece is very lifelike, and the 3-D performance capture and CGI effects essentially allow the viewer to enter the alien world of Pandora for the movie's 2½-hour running time, which only lends to the separation anxiety some individuals experience when they depart the movie theater.

"Virtual life is not real life and it never will be, but this is the pinnacle of what we can build in a virtual presentation so far," said Dr. Stephan Quentzel, psychiatrist and Medical Director for the Louis Armstrong Center for Music and Medicine at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York. "It has taken the best of our technology to create this virtual world and real life will never be as utopian as it seems onscreen. It makes real life seem more imperfect."

Fans of the movie may find actor Stephen Lang, who plays the villainous Col. Miles Quaritch in the film, an enemy of the Na'vi people and their sacred ground, an unlikely sympathizer. But Lang says he can understand the connection people are feeling with the movie.

"Pandora is a pristine world and there is the synergy between all of the creatures of the planet and I think that strikes a deep chord within people that has a wishfulness and a wistfulness to it," Lang said. "James Cameron had the technical resources to go along with this incredibly fertile imagination of his and his dream is built out of the same things that other peoples' dreams are made of."

The bright side is that for Hill and others like him -- who became dissatisfied with their own lives and with our imperfect world after enjoying the fictional creation of James Cameron -- becoming a part of a community of like-minded people on an online forum has helped them emerge from the darkness.

"After discussing on the forums for a while now, my depression is beginning to fade away. Having taken a part in many discussions concerning all this has really, really helped me," Hill said. "Before, I had lost the reason to keep on living -- but now it feels like these feelings are gradually being replaced with others."

Quentzel said creating relationships with others is one of the keys to human happiness, and that even if those connections are occurring online they are better than nothing.

"Obviously there is community building in these forums," Quentzel said. "It may be technologically different from other community building, but it serves the same purpose."

Within the fan community, suggestions for battling feelings of depression after seeing the movie include things like playing "Avatar" video games or downloading the movie soundtrack, in addition to encouraging members to relate to other people outside the virtual realm and to seek out positive and constructive activities.

Money fucking not enough

I've been spending and spending and spending. Money is fucking not enough. Don't talk about saving money, I overspent every month. If I can "break even" that's already a break through... which I have not been able to do. It's exceptionally hard when you only have about $400 to spend every month you know? After deducted all my expenses... that's all I'm left with. Yes, pathetic but what to do. At least I have a job.

Gotta fucking stop spending.

I've been thinking a lot about diving. No, not thinking about "going diving", but thinking about "stopping diving". At least for a while. HOw long is "a while"? I don't know. Maybe for this year. There's only so much I can do when I earn so little. I want to go to the Rainforest Music Festival in July. It's in Sarawak so it's not a lot. But, given the fact that I don't earn much, I still have to work hard to keep that money for the trip. "work hard", I don't mean "working hard at work" here. I mean work hard not to spend on unnecessary things... But, are books unnecessary items? I love buying books.... I'm running out of books to read soon.. but I don't have money to buy more books. Guess I just have to re-read the books I have then. If only I'd get rewarded with money each time I finishes a book. wahahhaa...

You know what? If there's a God, I have to freaking thank him/her now. For my company will be giving extra bonus in February (I've already got my year end bonus and already used that up! ...it was not enough to fully pay the debts I owe my bro). That, that will be my saviour, I'm telling ya.... With that, I'd be able to fully repay my debts to my brother. Otherwise... I'd be unbelievably miserable for the next 5 months at least.............. I'm feeling exceptionally thankful now.... I gotta freaking stop being a spendrift...

"The Day After Tomorrow" is coming

What's going on with the world? "The Day After Tomorrow" is coming... Europe has seen the worst winter in 3 decades, it's described as "Arctic condition"... In UK, the temperature plunged to -22C in some area. US is facing severe winter condition as well.

Animals suffer as well as they can't find food in the snow covered ground. It's all white white and white in Europe. A satelite image of UK... shows only white... wow... really like the scene in "The Day After Tomorrow" isn't it...? Horrible...

My lovely blue sky

Mr clouds have gone playing elsewhere
I look up and I see you
No matter how hot the sun shines
You can always cool my soul

In the evening your face changes
Collaborating with the sun
You'd display a brilliant colour show
Orange, red, pink, purple

Deep into the night
Stars and planets shine
It's another show allowed by you
Presenting the mysteries of life

Are you really light?
Or are you really dark?
Light or dark, I love you all the same
You are forever, my lovely blue sky~

Regal cat

There's this black and white cat at my block, it's quite fat and "sweet". It's very friendly. I find that fat cats are friendly. Guess because it's frequently fed and very happy with human. hahha....

Every time I see it, if I "miao" with it, it'll follow me, even though I did not feed it. Sometimes it's not a good thing. I mean, if I own the hdb, I'd be happy that it follow me back. But I am renting a room... There're twice it was at the floor I'm staying. I miao to it and it followed me till my unit... sit outside the door and kept miawing. I dare not tell my landlady of course that the kitty followed me because I "talked" to it. kekeke...... I felt sorry for the kitty too... because not everyone likes cat. When it sat right outside the door, my landlady and her kids shoo-ed it and tried to scare it away. I could not bear to watch so I entered my room. But I don't think the kitty was affected in any way. It has a very typical nonchalant, lazy attitude. It reminds me of Garfield].

There was another time, I was heading towards the lift. The lift just reached first floor. The lift door opened, I saw the hilarious scene ever... haha... The kitty was sitting right in the center of the lift, nonchalant as usual and almost regally. A mother and son, each stood at the very corner (near the door) of the lift, covering their mouths with their hands.... obviously worried that the cat might has some kind of virus that might pass to them.. The kitty isn't smelly or dirty, in fact, it's one of the cleanest cats in the neighbourhood. I wished my eyes were camera which I can take a picture of the scene.... It's really hilarious.... :D haha...

New Year day

It's been some time since the last time YY, YK and me went out dinner, not counting attending KR's wedding.

Today we went Jusco, accompanied YY to buy pregnant clothings. We chose quite a few~ And we went makan and chit chat as usual. Had a great time~


By the way, my permed hair looked very straight after washed... today I went to see my stylist Nick again, so he permed my hair again. I told him I prefer digital perm as the curls are better. He said he didn't recommend I do digital perm this time as my hair is really dry... digital perm's chemical is stronger. I guess I better be more diligent and do hair mask weekly....... I really enjoyed letting Nick do my hair~~~~ I think he's really cool. hehehe. In this picture, I think my hair looks rrreally nice. But, that's because it's blown by Nick. After wash it'll be a different matter. I think... although I had my hair permed twice... I think it'll still be quite straight after wash... guess my hair is just too straight to be curled, need stronger chemical like digital perm.

How I wish I can have a hair stylist at home, everyday do my hair before I go out. wahahaahaha. Dreaming again. :P