Money fucking not enough

I've been spending and spending and spending. Money is fucking not enough. Don't talk about saving money, I overspent every month. If I can "break even" that's already a break through... which I have not been able to do. It's exceptionally hard when you only have about $400 to spend every month you know? After deducted all my expenses... that's all I'm left with. Yes, pathetic but what to do. At least I have a job.

Gotta fucking stop spending.

I've been thinking a lot about diving. No, not thinking about "going diving", but thinking about "stopping diving". At least for a while. HOw long is "a while"? I don't know. Maybe for this year. There's only so much I can do when I earn so little. I want to go to the Rainforest Music Festival in July. It's in Sarawak so it's not a lot. But, given the fact that I don't earn much, I still have to work hard to keep that money for the trip. "work hard", I don't mean "working hard at work" here. I mean work hard not to spend on unnecessary things... But, are books unnecessary items? I love buying books.... I'm running out of books to read soon.. but I don't have money to buy more books. Guess I just have to re-read the books I have then. If only I'd get rewarded with money each time I finishes a book. wahahhaa...

You know what? If there's a God, I have to freaking thank him/her now. For my company will be giving extra bonus in February (I've already got my year end bonus and already used that up! ...it was not enough to fully pay the debts I owe my bro). That, that will be my saviour, I'm telling ya.... With that, I'd be able to fully repay my debts to my brother. Otherwise... I'd be unbelievably miserable for the next 5 months at least.............. I'm feeling exceptionally thankful now.... I gotta freaking stop being a spendrift...