Sentimental

I thought I am a cold-blooded person who reacts more upon knowing an animal’s death than a human’s. It turns out that I am wrong about myself… Or maybe it’s just that I’ve become more sentimental these few years…

When I think about Angel’s father, I’d still want to cry..even as I’m writing this… I didn’t talk much with Angel’s father in the years I’ve know her, 16 years to be exact. But I’ve heard a lot from Angel.

It’s just … so sad… human is so fragile, physically and to some, mentally as well… I guess this is the price to pay for being an intelligent creature. Chimpanzees mourn for the death of their loved ones too. They sometimes died from sadness… But still, I rather be an animal than a human. Too much to cope to be a human being…

My condolences to Angel and family

My good friend, Angel, her father passed away few days ago. I went to the wake this evening.

Before I went there, my eyes started to get wet when I think of how close she was with her father.

I am not expressive when I come face to face with people. I can express my feelings well by words but not vocally.. (I am very expressive with only one person in this world so far... I hope I can find another in times to come..) I didn't know what to say to Angel when I went to the wake. Of course she understood me. I asked to see her father (I am not sure are there specific words in English for 瞻仰仪容). Again, I didn't know exactly what to say to him except a few words.

Shortly after, Buddhist praying session began. I sat there alone, pondering about death...

Before the praying began, came a dog, sat on a piece of cardboard which was meant for the relatives to kneel on while praying. It was as if she (it's a female) would like to pay respect for the deceased as well. A man shoo it away. And as though she felt I understood her, of all the spaces available, she came to sat beside me. It could me it's just me imagining all these but I can't help feeling like that.

I had to control my tears from falling when I sat there, listening to the prayers.

When the prayer was done, Angel sat down with me. I asked about her father's last moments. He left in peace. It's blessed that he didn't suffer for a long time. Angel was strong. I couldn't control my tears anymore... And they wouldn't stop running down my face when I heard about his last moment. Yes, he left in peace, but still it's a sad thing when our loved ones have to leave us forever...

My condolences to Angel and her family. May her father rest in peace.


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I cried again in the shower room back at home. Imagining it's my own loved ones... Life is all about birth and death. But death is so difficult to accept. I don't quite like living... Life is harsh.

I don't quite believe in God, but I believe in faith and luck. Contradicting? I don't know...
I pray to "luck" that I would die a quick death. And I want my ashes to be scattered (is scatter the right word?? it sounds weird) into the sea, hopefully it'll be Tioman because it's nearer and it would be easier for my family to do that..

"Kak"

I went swimming in JB pool on Sunday. When I reached there at 2pm when it just opened after lunch break, there was nobody in the pool. I was happy every time I see the pool is empty. I went into the changing room, while doing warm up, I heard a lot of noise outside, “kecoh” , in Malay terms.

I went out after that, oh my gosh, 10 over teenage boys were already in the pool shouting, playing… so noisy.

It wasn’t a nice day, after I swam for a while it started raining. We all got up and waited for the rain to stop. When it became a drizzle everybody rushed into the pool again. The Malay lifeguard then called out to me, “Kak! Kak!” He asked me why I hadn’t gone back to the pool to swim again. But he called me “kak”! It’s elder sister in Malay. NEVER, had ANY Malay man or woman (people I don’t know) call me, a Chinese girl - “kak”. It felt so good, felt respected. The lifeguard is not exactly young, I don’t know how old is he, should be around my age or older than me.

The thing is, Malays, when they call out to Malay girls, it’s always, “adik”(younger sister) or “kak”. When they call Chinese girls, if they are nice enough they will call you adik, but most of the time, they will just call you “Ah Moy!”. I hate that. Sounds so rude. I don’t know if they think that’s what they should call Chinese girls or they dislike calling Chinese girls adik…

So can you imagine how I felt when that lifeguard called me “kak”?? Very delighted, very very delighted indeed. hahaha…

6 Fucks

Yesterday I was fucking bad mood and my fucking chinchilla fucking refused to go back to her fucking cage. Caused me even more fucking frustrated and fucking cried myself to sleep.

Super Nanny

Hear this, (should write “read this”) go watch Super Nanny every Thursday on Arts Central at 10pm!

I felt that is the best reality show~!

It’s really worth watching especially if you have naughty kids. Even if you don’t have it’s still worth watching as well!

The kids on yesterday’s show were horrible! Truly “monsters can come from all sizes”. They constantly fight, kick and bite one another, they swear, they even spit on their mother’s face!! It’s really like the Super Nanny has said to their parents’ face, “APPALLING!”. (The youngest boy of 4 years old tried to intimidate the Super Nanny by pretending to throw a brick to her...)

The mother literally struggles through EVERYDAY. It’s impossible not to get depress or break down being these monsters’ mum… It was REALLY THAT difficult to get all four of the kids into the car and go to school. They had NEVER been to school on time… The mother was afraid that the children won’t grow up loving her if she’s too strict with them… She herself cultivated such bad behaviour onto her kids.

The Super Nanny observed the family for one whole day to find out where the problem is (by the way, she has 16 years of experience in this) and taught the parents how to discipline their children.

The mother had no authority over the kids.. They know exactly what they can do and their mother had no way controlling them. (They almost smashed everything that can be smashed at home..) Amazingly, their mother never gets angry, really something. She had never raised her voice even when her son tries to bite her. All she did when her son spit to her face was wiped it off and said, “That’s not very nice, isn’t it?”. Not nice??! It’s UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR!!! The kids only behave better when the father comes home. However the Super Nanny pointed out he’s too stern like a dictator. She also advised the parents to emphasize on praising not only just by punishing.

The Super Nanny pointed out both of the parents’ problem and corrected it. The first time Super Nanny left them, the mother had a bit of difficulties controlling the naughtiest 2 kids… and the father sort of overruled the mother by punishing his son for a second time, when he was already been punished by his mother during the day.

Super Nanny came back and pointed out their mistakes again. And she left them for the second time.

2 weeks later, Super Nanny came back to check on them. This family’s life has changed completely. The kids are better behaved now and are even able to sit still and finished their meals. They bad been behaving so well that their parents now dare to bring them out for dinner and do not have to be worried and embarrassed by their “appalling” sons anymore. What a difference!! They now have more outdoor activities and everyone in the family is now happier.

Super Nanny is really good.

This is definitely a show worth watching (provided it is true, not acting, which is possible).

Kacang Putih

I really miss kacang-putih which I ate when I was a kid.

“Kacang~ putih~~~”.

I can’t really remember which type of kacang (nuts) I liked. That isn’t important. What I really miss is not the kacang itself but the feeling of old times. Something that doesn’t exist anymore. Indian man carrying all those kacang, and walked around selling them. Kacang wrapped in newspapers… unhygienic… but we “survived”.

And also the “tikam” thing. Where you pay er.. can’t remember how many cents, and pick one sticker (out of tens of them) on a cardboard to see if you strike any prize. My friend said it still can be found in ulu-ulu place in Malaysia. But I don’t know where. It would be so “shiok” if I ever get to play the “tikam” thing again... while eating kacang wrapped in newspaper.

Which sportscar?

Do this test if you are bored :
http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar/

This is my test result . haha... very boliao...

I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

nothing...

I'm running out of ideas to write...

Friendly? or weird...

This morning when I walked to work, in front of me came an old man. I was wearing a black spheggeti striped top, I wonder was it because of that, he actually spoke to me, “小妹, 今天没有做工啊?”(not working today?)…………

I don’t know him. I don’t think I ever saw him before.

20 years ago you would feel he is just being friendly. Now.. I don’t know…… I can’t help but feeling that he’s a bit , ehm.. weird.. a bit wondering if he’s an old lecher… I’m sorry if he’s not, if he’s only being friendly.. but in our society today… it’s better to be skeptical and play safe than sorry, isn’t it?

Singapore and JB food

How come ice kacang in Singapore are without chocolate syrup?? Ice kacang in JB are mostly with chocolate syrup. You'd feel something is missing without it...

Singapore and JB are so close but our food actually are quite different. Such as laksa, Singaporeans called JB laksa as curry mee... I don't like Katong laksa... hate it.. and in JB there's no "thick meehoon" (粗米粉). In Singapore when we order laksa, if you never specify what you want then you'd always get thick meehoon. Sometimes I forgot to tell them and I'll get sooo... disappointed when I got my food... Cos I hate thick meehoon.

JB people always say Singapore food cannot be compared to JB/Malaysia.. But I personally feel : why the comparison? Different people different cooking style. Different places different taste (such bad english, I know.. ). And different taste suits different people. I do find some food here are very delicious.

I will only say I don't like Singapore laksa because it is not my taste. I won't say, Singapore laksa does not taste good or Singaproe laksa can't be compared to JB laksa.
I was told that a German once said Tiger beer sucks (said so with a totally disgusted face), and their beers are the best.... No matter what it is: food, lifestyle, culture, rules, whatever, you just can't compare these from 2 different environment, places, countries, etc... You grow up in Singapore, most likely you would love Singapore laksa. I grew up eating JB laksa, so naturally I prefer JB laksa. As simples as that. No comparison between the two is necessary.

Right now, I kind of miss Sarawak laksa. Some say it tastes like instant curry mee.. hahaha.. but still I quite like it. Maybe because I like instant noodle..

work eat laugh cry and sleep

Life sucks.

That summarized it all. I was so bad mood and depressed yesterday I think I dropped my Miko's tidbits in the bus. Didn't even realised it until 2 hours later when I gave tidbits to her.. There goes my $4.75

Let me summarize my life in this way : work, eat, laugh, sleep, work, eat, cry, sleep, work, eat, laugh, sleep, work, eat, laugh, sleep, work, eat, cry, sleep....

It's not good to have such a melancholy post.. But that's how it is. I used to write diary, I like to write my feelings in it. A blog is a diary, for whoever's willing to read about someone else's life. Everybody's blog is cheerful, fun, interesting but perhaps not this one. I had been living quite happily for a few months..but the cycles goes backwards again.

Self-pitiness is a disease, a serious disease. When you start to put sad feelings, thoughts in beautiful sentences, you are infected. When you start blaming the world for your life, you are infected.

I wonder who can confidently say they are happy? I think 80% of people are somehow not happy. Those who are single, are they happy? Are they enjoying their single lives? Those who are attached, are they happy? Those who are married, those who are divorced, those who have kids, those who have none, are they happy? Rich people have problems, poor people too. Everybody has problems, health, love, financial, physical needs, psychological needs, etc, etc... It seems to me this life is actually not worth living.

My limited happiness have gone from Sipadan. I have lost all spirits in doing anything at all. If I can just sit and rot, I WILL sit and rot.



I still can't believe I dropped my Miko's tidbits... It's not exactly small.... That is so impossible... I can't believe it... I've NEVER dropped anything I bought before.

Dreams

Last Friday, I dreamt that I was diving with others and we swam with manta rays~~~~ and I got to touch them~~!!!! I played with the mantas for a while and they left. Then we bumped into jelly fish~!! LOTS AND LOTS of jelly fish~!! Like how it was in Finding Nemo. Hehe… but those jelly fish got long tentacles, we reckon they are poisonous so we got out of there fast.

Sunday evening, I fell asleep when I was resting in bed.. motion sickness.. I suffered motion sickness for taking the train. Thank God it only happens sometimes.. And I dreamt that my eyes can’t focus anything beyond 1 foot in front of my face.. I also had to struggle to get up. And when I went into my toilet, there were 2 corpses in it!! A man laid on the toilet floor, a woman was hung by a rope around her neck… I didn’t see their faces clearly as I wasn’t able to focus beyond 1foot…

Sunday night, I dreamt that I was going diving again with a bunch of people~!! Diving! Hooray!! But the dream never got to the actual diving part. Haha…

Yesterday, Monday night, I dreamt that I was at a seaside. A beach with absolutely crystal clear water. We were looking for seahorse (no diving gear) but instead of seahorse I saw 2 big cuttlefish and one bigggg turtle. And there is also one half dolphin half stingray creature.

I love dreaming~ Dreaming is FFFFFUN~~~