Before I went there, my eyes started to get wet when I think of how close she was with her father.
I am not expressive when I come face to face with people. I can express my feelings well by words but not vocally.. (I am very expressive with only one person in this world so far... I hope I can find another in times to come..) I didn't know what to say to Angel when I went to the wake. Of course she understood me. I asked to see her father (I am not sure are there specific words in English for 瞻仰仪容). Again, I didn't know exactly what to say to him except a few words.
Shortly after, Buddhist praying session began. I sat there alone, pondering about death...
Before the praying began, came a dog, sat on a piece of cardboard which was meant for the relatives to kneel on while praying. It was as if she (it's a female) would like to pay respect for the deceased as well. A man shoo it away. And as though she felt I understood her, of all the spaces available, she came to sat beside me. It could me it's just me imagining all these but I can't help feeling like that.
I had to control my tears from falling when I sat there, listening to the prayers.
When the prayer was done, Angel sat down with me. I asked about her father's last moments. He left in peace. It's blessed that he didn't suffer for a long time. Angel was strong. I couldn't control my tears anymore... And they wouldn't stop running down my face when I heard about his last moment. Yes, he left in peace, but still it's a sad thing when our loved ones have to leave us forever...
My condolences to Angel and her family. May her father rest in peace.
I cried again in the shower room back at home. Imagining it's my own loved ones... Life is all about birth and death. But death is so difficult to accept. I don't quite like living... Life is harsh.
I don't quite believe in God, but I believe in faith and luck. Contradicting? I don't know...
I pray to "luck" that I would die a quick death. And I want my ashes to be scattered (is scatter the right word?? it sounds weird) into the sea, hopefully it'll be Tioman because it's nearer and it would be easier for my family to do that..
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