Friends

Who, apart from our family of the same blood, are the most important people in our lives? Husband? Friends?

I noticed, most Asians, once married, tend to drift away from their friends, including bestfriends. I've looked around my married friends, I've asked them whether they still have bestfriends, and the answer are usually negative.

Friends, were most important to us when we're studying. We confided everything to our bestfriends. This changed a bit when we reached secondary school, when people started to have boyfriends or girlfriends. They no longer hang out with their bestfriends during breaks like they used to. It happens to everyone, I'm sure. That's only normal, I should say.

Then after we left school, friends are still important. Bestfriends talked about their bfrens/gfrens, went shopping together, complaint about our bosses, etc.. etc... and most important of all, bestfriends are the shelter we would go to when we had a quarrel with our bfren or gfren.

Once married however, things changed dramatically. I have not married, perhaps that is why it's beyond my comprehension. Husband is no doubt important, but what about friends who had gone through everything with you? It needs effort to maintain a marriage and so does friendship. Does being married means you don't have time for friends anymore?

I had a bestfriend in primary school. I thought we will remain bestfriends forever, but that was no doubt a very naive thinking. She had to move to Singapore because of some family matters. I was so sad that she had to go. We remained in contact via letters for a good few years. Our letters often reach at least 5pages in chinese.

The day had came inevitably after a few years when we stopped writing to each other. On one particular day several years after that, I received a letter from her again. She talked about her boyfriend. She was upset because she had quarrelled with her boyfriend. I was happy to have received her letter again and I replied.

The following letters, she talked about NOTHING but HER BOYFRIEND. I was hurt. Is that all she can say after we've didn't contact for so many years? It felt like she didn't want to get back in contact with me, it wasn't that she missed this once-bestfriend-person. She just needed a channel to released her tension that's been going on between she and her boyfriend. She merely needed a "listening ear". I will be more than happy to listen to her had we were still in contact before she "poured" all her problems with her boyfriend on me. It didn't matter to her actually, who was the person who's reading the letter. She merely needed to "let it out"... and I stopped replying.

As I said, friendship needs to be maintained, just like marriage. You don't call or look up a long-time-no-see-friend and tell her all your problems. Who would like that? What are we? A problem-solving-counsellor who can come and go as you need?

Someone with more experience in life (in another word, "older") told me, friends come and go. They do not stay with you forever, however close you once were. That is really true... For a typical Aries like myself, this is a real cruel fact in life to accept. Friendship is important to me. I like to share their happiness, sadness as much as I like to make them laugh. But... friends really do come and go in your life. I'll just have to accept plainly whatever it is that's been arranged on my path ahead in life, I guess.