I want to say sorry

I am a coward who usually doesn’t say sorry face to face to people. In fact, I hardly say sorry…

So… I want to “say” or rather “type” sorry here…

Sorry to my parents for everything. I am a bad daughter.

Sorry to my brother whom I always bully, always yell at.

Sorry to my loved one if I have ever created troubles to him.

Sorry to my friends whom I might have offended in the past.

Sorry to everyone if I have ever acted arrogantly to.

Sorry to the dive sites I have no money to go () .

Sorry to my bank account which I have not much money to deposit into ().

Sorry to God, whichever God, for I don’t believe in you.

That’s all.

Castrate the rapists!

Again, this happened in the bus.

The guy who sat beside me alighted, came an old man sat on it.

He carried a square bag and a plastic carrier. He put the square bag on his thigh, close to his stomach. He then placed his hands beneath his bag.

It’s very unnatural… where he had placed his hands. I kept pretending to look out the window. After a while, I noticed that his hands were still beneath his bag and they (his hands) were not exactly still, or should I say “quiet”. I wasn’t sure what he’s doing. If you ask me, I thought that looked like he was masturbating while moving only his wrist (AND avoid moving the whole hand).

I really wasn’t sure. He didn’t look like a pervert but his action was really suspicious… Who would put his hands beneath the bag like that?? I took out my handphone and pretended I was sms-ing, I was actually trying to see clearer of what he’s doing without letting him feel that I was looking. If he’s a pervert and knows that I’m looking, that will certainly makes him happy.

Perhaps his penis was itching really badly and he had to scratch it? He wasn’t exposing anything he’s not supposed to so I can’t really do anything. Or should I have asked him, “Uncle! What are you doing with your hands there?!” … Just kidding, I am not that daring…

I was thinking if the bus was with only a few people and some pervert shows his dick, what would I do? I think I would yell, “Psycho! Do you want me to cut your penis with scissors?!” And then tell the driver and the bus driver would definitely send him to the police. But would I really yell like that?? Hmm… I doubt so…

I don’t understand why there are so many perverts in our world. Scums, they are. And the rapists. I think rapists should be castrated. Period.
99% of rapists do not feel remorseful of what they’ve done, of what trauma they’ve caused on the victims.

Last week I read a news from BBC News that a minister in one of African countries (sorry, I forgot which) said, “When women say no, they actually mean yes.” What the fuck??!! These words coincide with what a rapist had thought when he committed a rape. A few rapists were interviewed by a journalist in Malaysia, so I read. These rapists did not think they had done anything wrong. They said they had “urge”, and they were merely trying to satisfy their urge. Outrageous!! Do they think women are here only to satisfy their urge and they can have sex with ANY woman they want??? Scums!! These rapists admitted that it is possible they might rape again. Therefore, I strongly think, castration is the ONLY solution, especially those who raped their own children.

But before their castration, they should be allowed to watch porn movies, WITH their hands tied up. So that they get aroused BUT not able to masturbate! AND when they are really aroused, their dick should be pinched by 2 boards with nails on them. Wahahahaha… And when their dicks shrink because of pain, we should let them rest. THEN we start the same process all over again until they can no longer have erection!!!! Wahahahaha… I’m such a genious.

If I should die beneath the sea

Someone posted this in a forum while discussing about a diving accident which cause someone died..

Carson Ray... 1989 If I should die beneath the sea -- What e'er the circumstance may be -- I only ask that you not cry For such a lucky one as I. But, rather, weep for those alive Who know not what it is to dive Into the planet's liquid heart And of God's ocean be a part. For even Christ must envy all Who dive along the ocean's wall; Though wind and sea His will obeys, He only walked upon the waves. And may I ask for one thing more? A simple cross beside the shore. Below my name inscribe for me: Lost to the earth, but found at sea.

I fall in love with this poem immediately because that is EXACTLY how I feel. I wanted to write something similar but obviously, my English is not up to mark yet to write something as beautiful as this. When I read it, I felt like I am the one who wrote that… because that’s my exact thoughts. Such an amazing feeling when you read something that feels like it’s been written from your mind.

Contented? not so easy.

I was in the bus. The seats were full when I heard some noise from a man. The man is around 40 years old. He was accompanied by his already white-haired father whom I supposed is over 60 years old.

The younger man was throwing a tantrum, “I don’t want to stand! I don’t want to sta-a-aaand..!” The people who were sitting near them gave up their seats.

Obviously, this man is, what is the word I should use? mentally deficient? I don’t know what is the right word to use here, I don’t want to end up sounding insulting for using incorrect words. But you understand what it is.

One would naturally think that this father felt embarrassed by his son’s action. Perhaps, he’s already used to it… I thought this old man looked tired. Imagine how it was to take care of his son all those years, taking care of a son who grows up physically but not mentally.

I again, almost shed tears thinking about that. It seems that I’m becoming a crying machine. My eyes would be filled with tears on the slightest sorrow from things I saw or read.

People say to be happy is to be contented. But to be contented one must at least have a normal life, nothing negative. People who are with disabilities, people who have mentally disabled kids, people with sickness, etc etc… Would they truly call themselves happy and contented? If given a choice, nobody would want disabilities, mentally ill kids, sickness, etc. They were given things that they wouldn’t choose, how can they be expected to be contented?

Nothing in this world is fair. Life itself is unfair. Human genetic modification which scientists are pouring their labour into might not be a bad thing after all. But even if they achieved that in decades to come, life is still unfair.

Perhaps we should all have a “Dalai Lama” with us all the time, like a guardian angel, who would remind us to learn to “let go” or “put down” unhappy things.

But , that’s not possible.

Whatever it is, life goes on.

I would be blessed

I would be blessed if one can die from too much crying.

I am very tired...

Come an alien take me away Come a spirit whisk me away To a space without existence To a place without sadness Born a skeptic I was The hand of God is beyond my sought In this hostile world I'm lost How much longer could I hold on? In this world I'm not supposed to be Hurting loved ones is all I did Creating troubles is my usual deed Why then, do I even exist? Come an alien take me away... Come a spirit whisk me away...

Invisible me

I am renting a room in a 4 rooms unit. The other 2 rooms are occupied by a couple and a single guy respectively. We don’t talk to each other. We’re of different world, different kind of people. There’s nothing to talk about. If we come face to face with each other, we’ll “force” a smile out of our facial muscles.

It’s cold, I know. But that’s the way it is.

The other day I was walking, came face to face with the couple who are staying in the other room. I can’t pretend I don’t see them (That’s what we usually do if we can). So again, I forced a smile from my facial muscles. But what the fuck! The woman pretended I was not there and looked at the floor! So I can only smile to the husband because the woman just looked at the floor. And this fucking man looked “right through me” as if I’m invisible!!

What an idiot! Me!! Why the fuck was I so stupid to smile to them! FUCK!

What happened to the people in this world? Where the fuck is their manners??!

P.s. Did you know that Microsoft Word regards “Where the FUCK is their manners” a grammatically correct sentence? AAahhahaha…

What's the point?

Do you realize? It is a very hostile world that we’re living. What’s the use of being nice to people?? I’ve always stick to my principle of being polite, being well-mannered to everyone even when I am a customer who is not receiving a proper service. But what do we get in return? “bbbbleah……pui! kind of attitude”, being yelled at, being spoken to like we are not worth the saliva to deal with. So what’s the point of treating people nicely??

Uncivilized people will always be uncivilized people. No matter how polite and how nice you talk to them. However nicely you chose your tone to talk to someone like that, they will still give you an answer in a tone which stabs into you like an invisible dagger.

I’ve learnt. It’s of no use treating people nice. You’ll only hurt yourself by doing so. Well, maybe not EVERYONE but most of them are not worth to treat them nice.

And you can’t ALWAYS oblige to someone’s request of favour. You helped this person 100 times, the ONE time you can’t help, this person will curse and swear at you behind your back. What the fuck is wrong with the people in this world?? Are we BORN to SERVICE him or her? I’ve seen this for so many times. So unfair and unreasonable. Such a disappointing world.

Impatience impatience

I don't understand why was I born with such impatient character.. When I want something, I want it immediately. It's such a torture if I can't. Without doing more research on the things that I want to buy, I often ended up disappointed and discard them and have my money wasted.

Still, I have not been able to change this habit. Well, I would say I might have improved... say... 20%... But that's really not enough..

I had been searching for a movie named "Sometimes in April" for a long time. It tells the story of the genocide in Rwanda in 1994, where 800,000 people were killed in 100 days. I could buy the DVD online of course, but I don't want to pay US dollar... There's another more known movie about this genocide, "Hotel Rwanda". I didn't have the chance to watch this either.

So, instead of the DVD, I resort to searching for the books about this genocide instead.

"We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda" is one of the books about the genocide I found from Amazon. I searched Kinokuniya's bookweb and they do sell this book. I am now in JB, how I wish I could be in Kinokuniya with a flick of my fingers. It's killing me not being able to get hold of this book immediately...

I just can't wait.... It might be a difficult book for me to read considering my standard of English... Nevertheless, I'll still get this book. Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll go and buy it before meeting my friends to Asian Dive Expo.

p.s. 2 days ago at Kinokuniya I almost buy a book because it "looked interesting". Thank goodness I was able to suppress my urge to "just buy any book and read". The reviews I read on the internet were not so good...

The reviews for "We Wish to Inform You..." were mostly good, mostly 5stars. I hope I can finish the whole book. I don't say "I hope I like the book"... because it's a book about a real genocide that happened... not some fiction story... If someone say I like that book, does that mean he/she was not emotionally affected by the genocide and that he/she was "cold"? hmm... I don't know...

Good Friday

Went out with KR, Natasha and YY on Good Friday. We were unexpectedly stuck in such heavy traffic jam... unbearable... It wasn't a holiday in JB...where have all the people coming from? It's the worst traffic jam, we were barely moving.

And I have NEVER seen a shopping centre packed with so many people during a weekday in JB! Don't they have to work??? That's a usual scene in Bugis Junction or Orchard but NOT a shopping centre in JB...

So we went Secret Recipe for dinner. YY had this er.. something fried soba.

I had chicken cordon bleu. Wanted to have this when I went out with ST last last Sat but the manager's (i assume that's the manager) attitude sucked so we went to the Japanese restaurant opposite instead. Quite nice this one, "cheesy".

Me and YY. I look silly with that fringe... KR bought me that top from Bangkok~

KR had lamb stew. Looks delicious.

Natasha had this er... something roasted chicken?

Natasha and KR. We went Starbuck and had cheese cakes even after a very heavy dinner... sinful... hehe...

KR experienced a shot from an interesting angle. The picture composition is nice but I looked fat~~~!! My top matched the colours of Starbuck~~
We left Jusco about 11+pm, and the shopping centre was still full of people~~!! I was kind of scared when I sent the girls home, considering JB's recent notorious safety issues... Thank goodness I reached home safe and sound ^_^

Funny Videos! must see!

Discovered these few videos, really funny. Have a look to have some laugh~

Dumb Dog : I think this dog is a bit mentally unstable.. hahah...

Skeleton Dance : pretty brilliant~ and funny~

Scuba diving cat : Scuba diving cat and dog. So lovely~

Some photos

This is taken on causeway bridge in the evening on a day in August last year.
The view outside my unit. (I can't say outside my "house" because it's not my house, it's not a home, I am just a tenant in one of the rooms. I can't bring myself to say my "home".)


Taken this morning at 6+am~~ Beautiful and biggg moon.

小强

I don’t like to see 小强when I come home. 小强 is very disgusting, lurking around here and there. Some say小强 is very smelly. I wouldn’t know, because I do not want to be in 小强's close proximity to find out. Sometimes小强 will go into my room uninvited...

小强 once acted in a movie before. That’s why小强 is famous.

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My neighbourhood has the most小强 I’ve ever seen.

小强... is a cockroach. Well, I should say小强 is ALL cockroaches. I have filed a complaint before regarding小强. But the person replied my complaint seemed to take the situation very lightly, asking me to tell him exactly where 小强 is lurking around. HELLO??!! Where can 小强 be lurking around?? Dustbins, waste bins, “longkangs”, etc… where else can小强 be? Like that also need to ask??? Then he said they’ll do the “smoke” thing to get rid of小强. (the "smoke" thing is "fumigation" lah.. i forgot this word. hahaha)

But everyday I go home I’m still being greeted by 小强 and their families, and their next families, and their next next families….....

I guess I just have to live with that… Next time 小强 visits my room uninvited, I would still treat him with his favourite perfume – Baygon or Ridsect.

p.s. For readers' information, Singapore's flats are mostly very clean, except the place I'm staying. Perhaps because it's industrial area...