Just another long holiday

What does CNY mean to you? It was discussed in the papers, it was discussed on the tv. It repeats every year. CNY is a happy thing for a happy family, complete with father, mother and kids. CNY is a happy thing for a happy couple, got a bfren/gfren to introduce to your relatives. Good.

If you are single, you'd be questioned why are you still single. If you are divorced, you'd probably looking at other family enviously. If you are poor, you'd probably worried about the angpow you'd have to give, etc etc. Thus CNY is only a thing for happy, complete families.

There are so many at-marriage-age-still-single people. I bet 99.9% of them hate the new year. In the Straits Times, the author said, she doesn't see people in the West(Christians/Catholics, etc) dislike their Christmas. She doesn't see Malays dislike Hari Raya. Only Chinese youngsters would dislike their own festive season. Why? Because Westerners and Malays don't "interrogate" every single man and woman in their families. Because CNY is simply a time for "interrogate" session, no, I should say, torture, interrogate torture. First they'd ask if you've got a bfren/gfren, when you have a bfren/gfren they'd ask when are you getting married, after that they'd ask when are you having kids? After the first kid they'd ask when are you having the second. After that they'd ask how your kids score in class, which "famous" school do they go to? Which country and which university are they going? It is a neverending torture, it is a neverending comparison between Chinese families. Fuck! It's my fucking life. Why do I have to endure all these stupid questions? And if I ever have a bfren and want to get your angpow at the wedding banquet, I will fucking notify you, man!

It's just making conversations, people say. No, it's constant comparison, and no it's not pure concern either. Chinese are competitive creature. They can't help it. But I can't help it being annoyed either. Especially when I have 2 inconsiderate uncles. One used to be my favourite uncle, now I can't wait to get out of his way. They not only ask why don't I have a bfren yet, and they make it sound like it's the worst thing that could happen to anyone. So what do they suggest? I go out to the street and held up a plate writing "Fuck me!"?

Is that what they want?

I just had the same treatment this afternoon. I fucking ain't gonna endure it no more. I told my mum, if anyone ever asks me why don't I have a bfren yet, I am going to answer : "What? No boyfriend will die is it?" My mum of course protested, saying it's rude. Hell of course I know it's rude. But are they being nice? They are being fucking rude by making fun of a polite lady like me. So why the fuck should I be nice to them? I am going to say it and bang my door. I will! I fucking will!

I hate them. Totally fucking hate them. My life will be much better without these crude people. My mum asked me why don't I like her family members. Why can't she understand how I feel? They were not just asking out of concern but were making fun of me. Why the fuck should I like them?

But I am going to try to avoid embarrassing my mum by getting away. I am going to be with my lovely Miko on the first day of CNY. If I were so unfortunate to bump into those crude people before I leave home, dare they say that again, I'll definitely make them quiet.

CNY to me is just another long holiday. It's the holiday that I am looking forward to. Not the relatives gathering. I used to like it. Now I don't. I can't wait to get away. But every year's planning for holiday has failed so far.

Perhaps I've changed to a darker person. I don't quite enjoy conversations with my cousins. We hardly see each other. I used to be the opposite. I used to like talking to my cousins. Now I get uneasy every time there's a family gathering. I don't like to talk that much anymore. I just want to be alone, have a coffee, read a book. That's what I enjoy now.

Well, anyway, if you're not like me,

Happy Lunar New Year.