You and your attitude

I have promised myself I will not shed any tears for you again.

Yet your annoying attitude made me broke my own promise.

Why have you never give me any words of encouragement and yet still said my friends' encouragement are words of deceit?! Everybody needs some encouragement. Since long time ago I hardly get any encouragement from you. Every time I happily tell you something I've achieved, even if it's just a small thing, it means something to me, but you will say to me things like "很厉害meh?" When I complaint you said you were just joking. Joke for you, NOT for me. It wasn't funny. It hurts.

And it happened again. Sometimes I wish you can split into two and listen to the way you talk to people from an outsider's view. Ah but it won't help, because it's the same you even if you split into two. You said I only listened to my friends. (You were wrong. I always quote what you said to my friends.) You have complaint about the same thing about your ex to me too, many years ago. I am beginning to think it's the way you say things. It's not about us, it's about you.

You said "Now only run 2.4km, how to run 10km?" The way you said it, your tone of voice, was not encouraging at all and you said it wasn't negative.

I've only started training last week, only started to run outdoor one week, ONE WEEK! What more do you want from me? I've NEVER been able to run 2.4km straight even on treadmill and now I did it outdoor and all you can say was that. Like anybody is going to continue listening to you after that.

I know you and your army people very 了不起. but I am not army people. You and other once-army-NS friends, think nothing of Mt Kinabalu. Yeah you all very 了不起. And I'm useless for not reaching summit. Everyone said things like "At least you made it to Laban Rata", "At least you tried". WHat have you ever said to me? To you army people Mt K is NOTHING. Yeah well I'm not army people. I never even like to run 100m when I was schooling. I made it to Laban Rata and I'm already very proud of myself. I could have tried to make it to summit but I chose not to. Because I want to go back in one piece. Because I don't want to be so selfish to try it when I'm not confident and risk my life. Because my parents would be heart broken if anything happens to me. I can always try it again next time when I'm more confident.

You think your words are 忠言逆耳. Maybe they are but you should really step back and listen to the way you say things. I always respect what you said. It's the way you say things that made me rebut you.

Arh whatever. Who am I to you? I'm just a "friend" now, just a friend who doesn't even get a birthday gift from you. I don't want to shed tears because of you anymore ever again.